Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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