You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
only if we run a train.
done.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
