okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
