I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
