I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
