I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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