question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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