you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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