afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
