the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
