I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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