boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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