guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
