pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
