We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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