I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
