in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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