Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
