I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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