Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have already put on my inside pants.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize