You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
