how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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