i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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