end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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