hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize