return my video game
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
