Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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