Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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