the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
