Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
