his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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