new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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