When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
