she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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