So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
