the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
