dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
