swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
