Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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