Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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