Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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