I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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