Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You smell like stripper and shame
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
