Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
