i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
