I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
