half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
