Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
