I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
