I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
