I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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