My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
