you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
