He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
