I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
