i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
