dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
