now i know why i became what i already was.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
