I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Every concussion has its silver lining
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
