the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
