I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
