afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
