She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We just shotgunned beers for America
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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