they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
