Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
